You don’t just wake up one day and suddenly think, “I believe my spouse may have an addiction.” Over time, you start noticing things that feel off or not right. Perhaps they are missing scheduled appointments, forgetting to pay bills on time, or taking naps at unusual times. Maybe they’re coming home late from work, or you notice signs like drug paraphernalia or more empty bottles in the trash than usual. These are clues that may point to a spouse with an addiction.

Recognizing the Signs of Addiction

As you begin to notice these behaviors, you might become a detective, searching for proof to confirm or deny your suspicions. What you really want is something to extinguish the fear that your spouse has a problem. As the evidence mounts, it becomes clear that your spouse may be struggling with addiction.

The Desire to Fix the Problem

Instead of confronting your spouse directly, you may start reading books on addiction, searching the internet for advice, or asking friends for guidance. You feel equipped with Christian strategies to help your loved one overcome their addiction and save your marriage. However, despite your best efforts, your tricks, tools, and techniques may not seem to work because addiction is a complex issue that requires more than just love and determination.

Surrendering Control to God

You cannot heal or change your spouse, but God can. Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross offers hope and freedom from all our hurts and hang-ups. It’s important to remember that you cannot want this change for your spouse—they must want it themselves. They need to cry out to God and accept His gift of redemption.

Starting the Healing Process

While you may not be able to control your spouse’s behavior, you are not helpless. The first step is to admit to yourself and to God that you are not in control and cannot change your spouse on your own. Ask God to show you where you have fallen short in your marriage and where sin may have entered your life. Psalm 139:23-24 reminds us that everything changes once we allow God to reveal these truths to us.

Setting Biblical Boundaries

One crucial step in addressing addiction is to set Biblical boundaries and consequences for your addicted spouse. This process may require professional help from a counselor, pastor, or a twelve-step program. Boundaries teach the addicted person, with love and grace, that their destructive behavior will no longer be tolerated or supported. While it may be uncomfortable and challenging, it’s a necessary step toward healing.

Seeking Godly Support and Accountability

It’s essential to have Godly support and accountability as you navigate this difficult journey. You’ll have days filled with frustration and confusion, as well as days of progress and hope. Find someone who can share in your struggles and victories, preferably someone who has been through a similar process. Look for support from an older married woman at church, a Christ-centered twelve-step program, or an online Christian support group.

The Power of Prayer

Finally, one of the most important steps is to pray for your spouse. Prayer is powerful, not only because it brings peace to your heart but also because God is the one who can change your spouse’s life and free them from addiction. In our own story of recovery, one of our favorite things to say is that my husband’s change began when I “sicked the Holy Spirit on him.”

Brighter Days are Ahead

Remember, you are not alone on this journey. While the road may be challenging, you have the power to invite God into your situation, and with His guidance, transformation is possible. By surrendering your worries to Him, setting healthy boundaries, and leaning on the support of a faith-filled community, you can bring hope and healing into your marriage. Trust that God’s love is greater than any addiction, and with His help, you and your spouse can move forward into a future filled with peace, restoration, and renewed connection. Keep faith, for brighter days are ahead.